#Scottish shillelagh free

About this stage the police (called by local residents) will arrive, possibly with helicopter support. just in case they should accidentally catch up with the retreaters. The other side will advance shouting abuse and taunting but not advancing too fast. It will begin a slow retreat back towards its home turf. There will be posturing/abuse/pretend attacks until one side decides it is either outnumbered, outmanoeuvred or just ****es itself. This formation parallels that of many medieval asiatic horsearcher tribes. a baseball bat - wits baseball? a game or sommat?Ĭombat tactics follow traditional lines where each side faces off with the combatants in the front rank (in loose skirmish order) and their slags following on behind in a tight group with their arms crossed across their chests. a hammer (nicked from ma da's toolkit - the loss of which will take some explaining) a 'bit of wid' (usually recovered from a skip or dumpster likely to be from a skirting board) This is likely to be from another geographic area ie 20 yards up the road or because they support another soccer team (usually having religious ties). Here a small grouping will take on another grouping. This is effectively an unarmed Rami.īasically Weejitsu for small unit tactics.

#Scottish shillelagh free

This is the rarest form of combat because as soon as one combatant starts to '****e himself', his friends will jump in leading to a free for all. West Coast Weejistu variations includes the 'square go' where an initial disagreement between two neds leads to one on one combat surrounded by the in-duh-viduals associated gangs. This will give a good indication as to her benefits income which will lead to some more beer money for you and a new wean for her. If it is female assess her social status by the number of scrunchies in her hair and the amount of 9ct gold she has on her hands and ears. If you bump into a bloke, lear until they challenge you to a bout of Weejitsu. Proceed to throw up on the dance floor and burl about in yer own vomit doing that dance that you saw them doing in Ibiza on the TV. Down a bottle of Buckfast and enter a nightclub- preferably underage. Take a large amount of eccies and eggs before going out. The participants should be the best of pals by the following week's drinking. Two large women should stand to one side hurling abuse at each other and calling the traditional cry of 'Tam/Shug/Rab. Chibs are allowed (indeed expected in some quarters) and is a 'true' martial art, unlike Weejitsu, which is a junior sport form. It involves much alcohol, lots of headbutting and ends with lots of kicking your rival on the floor. This is the traditional streeet fighting form of Scotland. Think of street Sumo.This continues until the police arrive. The hands are raised palms inwards and the age-old rallying cry of 'Yer Ma!' is shouted.The correct reply is 'Yer Ma's Ma!', 'Smell ya Ma!' and so on. Traditional posture and calls- the sleeves of the shell suit jacket ought to have been ritually pulled down to their elbows, trapping the person's own arms. The idea is that the two rival leaders ought to get into shoving range but rely on the fact that their respective mates will pull them apart in the nick of time- usually by the hoods of their shell suits. Taunting from a distance, running close but not so close as to be in danger. Ritual combat- lots of leaning on lamp posts until the rivals come along. These should be thrown close too, but not at, the rival group. Chibs are reserved for F*k-u (see later). The basic scottish martial art is known as Weejitsu.īrightly decorated costume- only the finest shellsuits by the best sports suppliers will do (Kappa being a traditional favourite).īadly balanced weapons- ashtrays, beer glasses etc. Myself and Steel Bonnet (on another forum) have investigated scottish martial arts quite intensively and I would like to share our research with you here today.